Tag: toxic relationship

The right love, feeling wrong

Last year, I went to therapy. This was definitely not my first time in the chair, but it was the first time I’d ever sought out counselling without a major trigger (eg, when everything imploded with X and my marriage and I was desperate for someone new to cry...

Trying to stay strong

It was some time, longer than usual, before I heard anything from X. But of course, I did in the end. “We shouldn’t sit in our separate houses missing each other,” his text message read. “I have realised that I can’t bear being in my house with my wife...

Rock bottom: how to end an affair

Alone in my pointlessly big, pointlessly expensive rented house, the days became weeks and then months and I had far too much time to think. And what I realised, with a creeping shame that bordered on horror, was what I could now clearly see I should have known all...

Trapped in an affair

My eyes had been opened, and that was that. Deep down, it felt cracked and tainted and I suddenly felt so stupid. I had honestly believed that there had been a thread of true purpose running through all the pain and unhappiness I was causing to everyone, to myself,...

Bad decisions, or: liars will always lie

The house that I rented was big, because I wanted a bedroom for each of my children so that they could live with me for half of the time. I was mad. I was dreaming. The children didn’t want to be with me at all; they hated me at...