The right love, feeling wrong
Last year, I went to therapy. This was definitely not my first time in the chair, but it was the first time I’d ever sought out counselling without a major trigger (eg, when everything imploded with X and my marriage and I was desperate for someone new to cry...
Why do happily married women cheat? Why did I do it?
The more I thought about the kind of hot, bewildering insanity that encompassed me when I became embroiled with X, the more I could not understand it. Even as the months progressed and I moved further away from it, I was obsessed with what I had done and what...
Eyes forward: rebuilding life after an affair
Nothing changed dramatically in me after I sent that calm ending message to X. When I woke up the next morning, I was not full of serene hope and self possession. I felt anxious and nervy and broken. But something had subtly altered, all the same. I had proof...
Telling lies, being lied to
Lying was a new thing for me, a dubious skill I had not previously possessed, a worrying skill that I had not wanted and did not know I would ever need to perfect. Who knew that it was such an art? X, it turned out, was a master of...
The lonely void of adultery
All through the winter and into the spring of my 37th year I fell deeper into the yawning chasm of my entanglement with X. I still felt constantly feverish, like I was going mad. On one level, life continued as it ever had; my eldest daughter made applications to...