Trapped in an affair
My eyes had been opened, and that was that. Deep down, it felt cracked and tainted and I suddenly felt so stupid. I had honestly believed that there had been a thread of true purpose running through all the pain and unhappiness I was causing to everyone, to myself,...
Bad decisions, or: liars will always lie
The house that I rented was big, because I wanted a bedroom for each of my children so that they could live with me for half of the time. I was mad. I was dreaming. The children didn’t want to be with me at all; they hated me at...
Arranging a new life
I had to leave, of course. I had no idea what I was doing. I had no idea what to do. But I knew with an absolute, cold certainty that my marriage could not, would not, work again, not at that point. Whatever my husband said about it, however...
Eyes opening, too late
On the long drive home from the hotel the sky was a vivid angry pink, streaked with gold, turning a delicate violet and navy at the edges. It was dramatic and beautiful. I felt like I had become a gyroscope, balanced on a narrow point, spinning and close to...
Cheaters will always get caught
Once the wheels came off, in the end, they came off very fast. I was running on empty and caring very little about anything. The summer didn’t even look like summer. Two weeks after X told me about his previous affair, it was my 37th birthday. I had planned,...